If I die of Covid-19, leave my body at the Whitehouse gate
(Satire, hopefully)
If I die of Covid-19, forget the burial, dump my body at the Whitehouse gates, preferably during one of Trump’s press conferences. I would love to see the President’s face, seconds before every member of the press rooms notifications go off in a symphony of notifications. Ding. Ding. Ding.
Cameras will pan away from their precarious perch on pebble beach to catch a dead body in front of the Whitehouse. It would be my final act for the benefit of humanity to shut down five o’clock follies. What else could draw the attention of an ever jaded press corps but an actual corpse?
Leading the pack will be Peter Alexander of NBC, he always seemed spry to me like he could run fast, followed by Major Garrett of CBS whose ectomorph body will serve him well in the race. Bringing up the rear is Fox’s “news” with John Roberts, who will fall back immediately into CNN mode and start reporting the real news. Newsmax and OAN will immediately denounce it as “fake news” without leaving their seats. CSPAN and NPR will show up eventually if funding is not cut before my untimely death. Radio’s April Ryan will lead the audio pack with her microphone trying to get a statement, which she will read with solemnity from a note pinned to my American flag shroud.
“Here lies the body of A. J. Campbell, Covdid, took her job, her social life, and her liberty. Though she wore a mask and washed her hands, she just HAD to go out to vote. There was no talking to her. (My mom’s editorial comment) In making this decision, she gave the last mile of her life for the noble cause of democracy, which was nice while it lasted.”
I have always been an activist. Not professionally, no. But I have been a volunteer to many a cause. When our President was finally installed into the Oval, I could think of nothing else but how our long national nightmare might end. My financial life had been so devastated over the last three and half years, I always thought I would be found frozen to death living in my car, so if COVID takes me at least, I will be in a beautiful warm hospital bed.
Think of it as my final act of resistance that started on election night with the strange feeling that I had been lied to. Since then, I have had this gnawing sensation that I am living in an alternate universe where lying about sending arms to the contras, torturing people, and surveilling the public with warrantless wiretapping is just fine. Or was that previous administrations? Honestly, it is all a mess right now.
#CadaverActivism (TM) will be the new trend in those of us who will be not living with a heartbeat or “life-challenged.” Because why should your activism stop when you die? You had so much to live for, and now you have something to die for.
The new trend in so-called “cold” activism, has been growing with the rise of prewritten obits. Living wills, if you think about it, is just the next step, but I think with so many people wanting to help the cause, we could have a steady stream of dead bodies delivered fresh daily to the Whitehouse gates.
For those of you who are not sure if you want to make a whole body donation, please consider sending just a single digit. That is right; you can send your middle finger to the Whitehouse. You can send your right or left middle finger. If a couple dies simultaneously, consider a #DoubleDigitSalute by wrapping both fingers in a copy of the bill of rights and sending it to express air overnight delivery so you can tell the President that neither of you gave a flying f*ck.
Some people are opting to send their hearts, as many have suggested a lack of them at the Whitehouse. Others are sending brains, but it is unlikely that anyone would have any use for them in the current administration, so I would hold back on sending that organ. However, some men are opting to ship their testicles as a gesture, but the only person who seems to be benefiting from them is Dr. Fauci. My guess is he has enough already.
I know it is not an original idea; AIDS activist David Wojnarowicz in 1988 put the now-famous slogan on his jacket’s back. While I fault myself for not coming up with a unique concept, #CadavarActvism can be reclaimed by a new generation, or in some cases, the same generation who died through the fault of a careless government who didn’t want to deal with the reality of the body count.
#CadavarActivism is not for everyone if you are still alive, but we all should think about how we are going to go that last mile for America.
