THE WORST: Ranting Email from His New Girlfriend to Me

Her name was Sarah, she was 26 when she started dating my 40-year-old ex. We were plowing through the painful part of the divorce and custody fight when this ranting pathetic missive showed up, addressed to me.

At the time, it was like being doused with acid because I knew that she was putting this kind of vitriol into the pot and stirring it with her witches broom. Breaking up is hard enough but this was so over the top and uncalled for that I knew she was the reason he was not looking to settle. I was drowning in legal bills.

My ex had refused to settle on child support and walked out on every bill we had. It was a tough time financially and I did what I could to make a dollar stretch while paying a layer that I could not afford every time my ex did something like have the cell phone company transfer my personal phone number back to his account, leaving my clients with not way to contact me.

____________________________Friday, May 29, 2009 at 3:40pm EDT

Not Dear [me],

Your time spent hurling names, threats, judgments, and insults at your ex-husband is so obviously rooted in the projection of your feelings about yourself that any substandard psychologist would be more than capable of identifying your behavior thusly. I am so disheartened by your unconcealed and complete disregard for your daughter’s well-being.

Me: Or it is because my ex had a shrew of a girlfriend?

In case your lunacy is so pervasive that you fail to identify your ridiculous shortcomings, I’ve taken the liberty of maintaining an inventory of your omnipresent antics.

Me: I am not sure, I am the one coming off as a lunatic here, darling.

*You are a liar*. The countless times you’ve lied about your child, your ex-husband, your behaviors, and even me is objectively nauseating. (If you’ve questions and would like specific examples, please feel free to ask, but I didn’t want this email to turn into an epic novel, so I thought it best to leave them out for the time being.)

Me: Oh dear, there is a sequel to this?

*You are an abominable mother. *Attempting to take your child away from a loving, doting, respectful, wonderful, kind, appropriate, reflective, and structured father is only the beginning. You blatantly interrogate and catechize your child about her activities with her father and more than distinctly manipulate her to tell you things that YOU WANT TO HEAR.
How pathetic!!! Of course a 5-year-old will tell you what you want to hear; she knows no other way of feeling safe and loved in your presence. You fail to provide structure and allow her to behave poorly — children only bite, pinch, and hit their parents when they feel out of control. THAT IS YOUR OWN FAULT and no one else’s. You feed her poorly, manage her behavior poorly, make her feel unsafe, force her to live in refuse, and neglect her emotionally. You allow your child to fulfill your emotional needs — it’s supposed to be the other way around, in case you hadn’t realized — what a disgrace! FYI: Simply because you’ve been habitually ineffectual as a parent does not warrant lashing out at the parent with whom your child has a positive and loving relationship. To be clear, I do not doubt M — -’s love for you, she is a child capable of infinite love; however, I do doubt your abilities to care for her appropriately.

Me: My kid has never bit anyone so not sure where crazy chic here is getting this from? She seems to think that my ex is some sort of saint and my kid needs saving from me. This was at a time when my ex would take my kid and refuse to let me talk to her over the phone and told the then 3 year old neve to tell where they were or what they did.

*You are indelibly irresponsible.* Obviously, you lack the skills necessary to provide for your child emotionally; however, you take it a step further and refuse to take steps necessary to financially care for her. You choose not to complete your work and then blame others when you’ve no money. You throw parties and spend money erroneously in the face of pending bankruptcy and yet you expect those around you to ameliorate your situation.

Me: Did someone not get an invite to the party? For the record, my ex walked out on every bill we had and stopped paying the mortgage then launched a massively expensive custody battle that he only broke off when I agreed to joint custody.

Your absurdity is astounding! I find it unfortunate that your ineptitude limits your ability to budget and accommodate a family; however, that is your doing. Considering this impotence, a good mother would place her child in a situation where her basic needs would be met — with her father. Maslow would be disappointed in you, [Me], so am I, and one day, your child will be disappointed in you as well. In addition to financial irresponsibility, you are plainly failing to care for the house. You allow your child to live in filth! At least do SOMETHING!!! You are not working, you are not parenting, you are not cleaning…WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR TIME?? OOOOH, I’d forgotten, you fill your time with promiscuity. How lovely that you are modeling inappropriate relationships with others for your child (if your wits do not allow you to sense the sarcasm here, at least I’ve now laid it out for you). In spite of your own insecurities, you should be adult enough to avoid lechery.

Why does psycho here care who I sleep with? For the record, my ex has had so many girlfriends that I have lost count after 15.

You are abusive*. NCANDS defines abuse through neglect as ?a type of maltreatment that refers to the failure by the caregiver to provide needed, age-appropriate care although financially able to do so or offered financial or other means to do so. Neglect is usually typified by an ongoing pattern of inadequate care and is readily observed by individuals in close contact with the child? (USDHHS, 2007). *NCPCA explains for child abuse, “Emotional abuse is a pattern of behavior that attacks a child’s emotional development and sense of self-worth. Emotional abuse includes excessive, aggressive or unreasonable demands that place expectations on a child beyond his or her capacity. Emotional abuse also includes failure to provide the psychological nurturing necessary for a child’s psychological growth and development — providing no love, support or guidance” (National Committee for the Prevention of Child Abuse, 1987). * NCADV describes spousal emotional abuse thusly: “Emotional or psychological abuse can be verbal or nonverbal. Its aim is to chip away at your feelings of self-worth and independence. If you’re the victim of emotional abuse, you may feel that there is no way out of the relationship, or that without your abusive partner you have nothing. Emotional abuse includes *verbal abuse *such as yelling, name-calling, blaming, and shaming. Isolation, intimidation, and controlling behavior also fall under emotional abuse. Additionally, abusers who use emotional or psychological abuse often throw in threats of and occasionally employ physical violence” (USDHHS, 2008). Sound familiar?? YES…you have committed all of these atrocities.

Me: Given the high conflict nature of the divorce if there had been physical violence there would have been charges and accusations. Where does she come up with this nonsense. Oh right, from my ex who is feeding her this line of bullshit.

You are horribly manipulative and you are a bully*. Your attempts to manipulate the situation with your ex-husband, the divorce, and custody are stupidly transparent. You are decidedly dim-witted, particularly because you believe yourself clever enough to succeed in implementing these glaring indiscretions. You have successfully manipulated a 5-year-old (my sarcasm here fails me), you have attempted to manipulate your ex-husband through name-calling, financial foolishness, food banks, threats regarding custody, lies — about break-ins, things your child has NOT said, and SO MUCH MORE — and misrepresentations, and you are trying to fabricate and engineer situations to bolster your case. Are you really that naive? The court, your “friends”, and THE WORLD will see through you, which, let’s be honest, is precisely what you’re afraid of. You are afraid people will recognize you as an insane fraud. Well, it’s happened. Just as a heads up, I see right through you and I will not allow people I care about to be manipulated. You can continue trying if you’d like, but, trust me, I’m infinitely more intelligent than you could ever dream of being and your shenanigans will not work any longer.

Me: I think the word is seeing through your darling. I think you might have concerns about being a fraud. I am pretty smart though it looks like my ex is dating down a bit.

You are flagrantly unworthy of my time.* There are so many more items I’d love to include, but I tire of typing and wasting my valuable time and energy on a feral creature such as yourself. In conclusion, cut the nonsense.

Me: If only she had thought of being unworthy of her time before she wrote this insane letter.

The only person you are really hurting is your child (and yourself, but, let’s again be honest, no one cares if you hurt yourself). Better yet, don’t cut the nonsense; it will certainly expedite the legal proceedings — newsflash: NOT IN YOUR FAVOR.

Me: No one cares if I hurt myself? She is begging me to end my own life? I take it back this nutjob wants me dead.

In apathy and disgust,

Sarah

________________
While most of this letter is the ramblings of a sick and scared woman who clearly wanted me gone, I could not discount it completely. She closes with:

…no one cares if you hurt yourself

But they did care about me. I had friends, family, and coworkers all pulling for me through the whole ordeal. I realized then that she was not talking about me. None of this was about me, it was about her. She was afraid that she would never really have my ex with me in the picture.

It has been many years since this happened, she is just another in a long line of women who staked their territory with my ex and dared me to knock them off. I guess they forget that I walked off the mountain of my own accord, they are more than welcome to the summit.